....zoOM

In 15 minutes I will be leaving home and coming home. YAY!

......zzzzzzzoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Mind-Wrapping

It's really nice to learn things that rip-open my half-baked theories about the way the world works. Not that it will necessarily change my mind, but there's a lot of room in the new whole for facts and details that will make my view better.

--S

Respek.

My problem with respect is with the difference between feeling respect internally and showing it in my behavior.

Most of the time I am terribly irreverent and rude with people I am comfortable with. In general I behave respectfully in situations where huge social friction can be created by disrespect or when I have some personal stake: with professors, police officers, parents of friends and people I've never met who are much older or much younger. However, in the majority of social situations, and so for the majority of my time, I am surrounded by my friends with whom I don't need to put in the extra effort to make myself keep dissenting opinions quiet. There is a lot of self-control required to identify and tip-toe around issues that may be a little sensitive before blurting a quip or saying the first thought that surfaces. Does this mean that I don't consider my friends worth the extra effort?

I definitely respect my friends more than the average person, but I also treat them with less 'reverence,' which doesn't really make much sense. On the other hand, it is tiring to be respectful to everyone and sometimes even makes me uncomfortable and bored. Should my friends understand that and know that I care about them enough to not have to hide myself behind a wall of "please, sir" and "yes, ma'am"when I talk to them? Or is it really presumptuous of me to expect people to know how I feel when I behave in a way that is associated with the opposite feeling. In fact, I am rudest to the people I've known longest: my family and high school friends. It's really quite remarkable how much they seem to get under my skin sometimes (mostly just my family). I don't know if it is a function of my expecting more from my family, as I consider them an extension of myself (line taken pretty much from Shallow Hal....) or whether it is some other aspect of our relationship I've yet to figure out. It may just be that I have a very 'nagging' family, and the 'nudnik' aspect is quite manageable in tiny doses, but not very relaxing. As I see my family primarily on vacations, and vacations are a time for relaxing, and the the nagging usually begins immediately, I am frequently quite put off with them early in the break. This leads to one of those trouble-circles. [End family rant] I do not believe that I am not responsible for much of the aggrivation in my family, it's just that my sister is also only so aggravated when around the family... as are my parents.

I'm going to finish now, even though I haven't concluded anything.