lalala

I'm now 20. almost 20 and a day. terribly exciting. I feel... the same.

I went on a very not stressful, not intense, very little yelling two day vacation with my family. Woodstock, Vermont is gorgeous and so are the surrounding little townlets.

Generally vacations are crazy, stressful affairs that end up with people just getting mad and then forgetting about it, and me just wanting to be left alone. I think I might be starting to like my family a lot more. (you know... I always loved them, but I'd get embarassed/bored/angered/angsty (last is probably the most common) and wander off to look at something nearby, but far enough away to not have to talk to anyone)

I have to sleep now, but I will finish thoughts of oldness and newness.

Today at the store I saw natalie and was about to say, 'hi,' kinda whispered it, and decided better of it... (I think she'd really rather not have to deal with dealing with me :-P ) and walking out I saw Caitlyn Amadon ... nose stud (might not even be new), but she didn't recognize me. I got a facebook message from Leni Kwait asking who I was...

I must have made a big impression in high school.

--zzzzzzzzzzzzleep

HMMMMMmmmm.....

Went for a run yesterday with Vanessa, Eunji napped, so rather than go right away to clean (which I decided I didn't need... not a frequent happening...) we sat and talked.

New Question:
When you love someone and let them 'in,' can you ever get them out again?

Last summer I was talking to Jess and he told me that you never 'get over' a girl, and that the only thing that happens is you deal with not being with a girl you still really like.

I think I've had two different sets of experiences: dumping someone and getting dumped, where this idea holds differently in each case.

C1. Me dumps Her.
C1A. Was never in love
This ends either with me having broken up with a girl who had let
me 'in' thus I have hurt her and she will deal in her own way with
a similar issue to the one a hand, or she also did not feel so
strongly for me and a friendship ensues.
C1B. Was at some point in love
Worth looking at. I'm not sure if in this case, it means I
actually was not in love, though I feel like the only way to
judge love is contextually, thus, if at any point in a relationship
I have decided I was in love, then let us assume that it was
'real' love. (likely a poor assumption)
The question becomes trivial if one assumes that 'real' love is
forever and "you can just feel when it is real." Do to the
imperfect information aspect of the scenario, one can never know
the duration of an emotion/relationship and one always feels that
the current love is 'real.'
The other problem with love is that many times, one loves an idea
or a feeling or sex. I feel that this is most closely related to
my falling-out-of-love. In general, I must say that it is most
likely my love of something else, a feeling, an idea, etc... that
I have confused for the sort of romantic, inter-personal, 'true'
love which is in question. When I came to realize this, it became
relatively easy to deal with my own emotions, and I just had to
take care not to hurt someone who I cared about, but was not in
love with (I have not been terribly successful).

C2. She dumps me
C2A. Never in love.
Again, an easy situation emotionally. Usually my pride hurts a
little, but it's not terribly troublesome. Usually some sort of
friendship springs up after a period of akwardness.

C2B. will be in the next post

new research

NUCLEAR WEAPONS IN CARGO CONTAINERS

yikes.

Also got to talk to lawrence for a bit in the Mudd lab. 'twas fun.

and now ... SLEEPY!!!

Inherent innequality

lalala Stargate.

We 'subjugate' all sorts of animals for labor and eating. It's ok because they are 'less' than us. If some other species/race/culture came that was 'more' than us.... should we submit? If said group was able and willing to exploit us the same ways in which we exploit bovines is it just a natural order thing...?
Maybe cows are fighting back as hard as they can... and PETA certainly fights for them. It just takes some critical mass of public opinion to make something true... so:

genocides
or
the enslaving of blacks in America

are they both bad now just because jews and blacks resisted strongly enough with enough support from PETA-like groups (ACLU etc...). i.e. history is written by the winners... when one wins equality... it seems to immediately become clear that all prior inequality was unjust. (this seems like a bad example because there were free blacks and popular jews who were seen as human... i.e. it is clear that it was not some sort of question of humanity (by species/race/ethnicity) that determined one's fitness for society, but rather some other qualifiers). However this leads to another interesting question: "what is such a qualifier? IQ? ability to add to society?" There are definetly dolphins and oxen that add more to human well-being or progress than many people... so where is the line drawn and even on what sort of conditions. (this is not a new question, I'm aware...)

Dolphins or monkeys or mice or some other animal could prove to have some rational faculties or some claim to equality or even superiority. What then? Do we fight as hard as we possibly can? Welcome them with open arms?

eh.... ramble, ramble

--showertime

City

Slept on the floor of Eunji's room... wasn't bad. I couldn't sleep... but probably because I did mostly nothing all day, so I watched old-school... that guy from PCU became a villain. It was shocking. "If you tell anyone about this, I'll fucking KILL YOU! no, no just kidding, I'll have him home by tonight, sweetie." I really didn't like Will Farrell I thought he was stupid and way too over the top to be funny at all, generally annoying, but after old school I liked him a lot more. I'm pretty sure that I've just started to find this over-the-topness funnier.

lalala going to meet Christina for lunch (co-worker who graduated) will be a nice break from this 7 hour day I have.

and now I'm off.....

--fLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLy

ROAR

I have two newpairs of shoes... so I won't need to ever borrow dress shoes again, EVER. Also new sneakers... which is good because all of my shoes are falling apart.

Got to see max and marge again today, they seem to be doing well. As usual I over-ate and feel kinda yucky now, but whatever, it'll go away with the running around and playing. I'm pretty sure sex burned a lot of calories that I need to run in order to lose now. GRRRRRRRRRR bye bye sex.

Hmmmmmm.... reading of Auction Theory is going well, hopefully I'll see people when I get to the city, I'm excited that I'll probably end up making money this week (18 hours of thumb-twiddling work... YAY) but we'll see what happens. Also I might end up doing some help-desk stuff, though I don't know what's involved.

People to talk to (in no particular order):
Joe re: Surf
Tim Huh
Alan
Salty (especially since he's leaving soon... and really cool)
River 5
Ultimate people in the city
Vanessa
also Checking to see if people are around

List made...
Checked Twice....

z000000000000000000000m

I've been thinking about sex recently. It has a huge hold over my life and I sometimes feel enslaved by hormones/penis/etc. After watching "40 days and 40 nights" on the "Love" channel, I've decided that I need to get control over myself this summer. Less sex thoughts and I'll be way better off. mmmmmm resolutions.

who to talk to VERY soon:

Tim Huh
Alumni e-mail guy --> or people to get his e-mail
joe for SURF
my many homes in NYC

--must remember

YAY

Tickets will be had before the end of today for Belgium. Tony, Jay, Jen, and I. 2 weeks and piles of fun.

YAY.

Also, I must run today.

--Sasha

Sleep

I need to fix my sleep schedule...

hmmmmmm.....

also, I heard google upped the limit of GMAIL to one TB... teehee

Trip plans

Trip plans thus far:
2 weeks total.
1 week 'chilling' in Belgium
Brussels
Antwerp
Bruges
Anywhere else recommended

1 week Holland and surrounding places
Amsterdam
other places

Other details:
Cost (~$700/ticket)
Dates (end of July to beginning of Aug.)
Housing (Herman's house? Marleen's house?)


MUST GET CALLING

Trip plans

Trip plans thus far:
2 weeks total.
1 week 'chilling' in Belgium
Brussels
Antwerp
Bruges
Anywhere else recommended

1 week Holland and surrounding places
Amsterdam
other places

Other details:
Cost (~$700/ticket)
Dates (end of July to beginning of Aug.)
Housing (Herman's house? Marleen's house?)


MUST GET CALLING

schedule

run - 45
small work-out - 45
clean - 30
piano - 30
play -----

new blog

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